hissingcockroach: (Default)
[personal profile] hissingcockroach
Here's a fear: fear of thinking about work. If I think about work, I'll think about the ways in which I've failed at work. And if I think about the ways in which I've failed at work, I'll imagine the contempt in which my colleagues hold me and the fact that I can never get back into their good graces. And I'll think about how I'm too old to start over in a new career and I would be bad at it anyway, and I see the rest of my life fall away into an abyss of meaninglessness caused by my own cowardice and sloth.

Isn't it impressive that my mind can spin that much existential dread out of a stupid listicle about my field, or a five-minute work assignment? I should write plays or something.

Anyway. Here goes. I'm going to face the abyss and think about work. I'm even gonna start on a work project.

...okay, first attempt got derailed. "I didn't know Windows 10 came with Minecraft installed."

Second attempt: got as far as opening the program, then I had to go look something up in email and I ended up on a blog that led to a Wikipedia spiral.

Third attempt: I wrote two paragraphs before noping out and distracting myself. At least this time I noticed the distraction while it was happening, even if I did fail to stop it.

Fourth attempt: I think I got distracted again in the middle, but I finished this five-minute task! It only took me like forty minutes!

Chalk this one up in the SUCCESS column. Let's see if I can keep it going.
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