hissingcockroach (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
hissingcockroach) wrote2016-11-06 01:19 am
hissingcockroach) wrote2016-11-06 01:19 am
Entry tags:
Narratives
I continue to be 99% The Worst. The 1% there is because I actually managed to get a little with dinner yesterday, and did laundry today. The other 99% is because I am so terrible that those count as accomplishments. Still failing at paying bills, several other overdue with projects, keeping in touch with friends, cleaning house, and innumerable other things.
I don't know, though--keeping this journal is making me think that I'm somewhat attached to the narrative of being the worst. It's more dramatically satisfying than being merely sort of meh. I need to come up with a grand narrative for my life that allows for drama while also allowing for me to be mediocre at things sometimes. Why the fuck are you clinging to the drama, I hear you say? Because I refuse to be boring, dammit. If my life didn't have some kind of narrative arc, why should I even bother to keep living it? (...said hissing cockroach, dramatically.)
I don't know, though--keeping this journal is making me think that I'm somewhat attached to the narrative of being the worst. It's more dramatically satisfying than being merely sort of meh. I need to come up with a grand narrative for my life that allows for drama while also allowing for me to be mediocre at things sometimes. Why the fuck are you clinging to the drama, I hear you say? Because I refuse to be boring, dammit. If my life didn't have some kind of narrative arc, why should I even bother to keep living it? (...said hissing cockroach, dramatically.)